It’s easy to rationalize: You’ve already done it, so it’s something (and someone) comfortable and familiar. You can even convince yourself that it’s “just sex.” However, these seemingly logical thought patterns often fall apart once you’ve done the deed. Sex with your ex can lead to a lot of regrets and lost ground if you’ve been trying to make a clean break.

The next time you’re tempted, ask yourself these questions:

• Are there emotions you’re trying to satisfy (anger, resentment, etc.) by having sex with him?
• Are you looking for a way to stay close to him?
• Are you feeling lonely or simply fed up with dating?
• Are you just looking for closure?
• Will having sex with your ex kill your motivation to find a new relationship?

After all, no matter how good the sex is, there will always be an emotional price to pay. An enjoyable sex life rests in your own two hands (with perhaps the help of a vibrator) and in the promise of a new relationship. Relationships aren’t that much different from anything else — it’s always best to keep moving forward rather than spend your life looking back.

It can be a great learning exercise to write down what your relationships have been like, past and present. For instance, what role do you seem to play in each of your romances? Are you the rescuer or the dependent one? Are you and your ex-partners very similar? Next, think about what your parents’ relationship was like, as well as your relationship with each of them. Write down specific behaviors and memories in each case, and try to notice the recurring themes.

One of the perks of being single is the chance to really confront these patterns. You have the luxury of stepping back, without the distraction of a partner, to extract and examine the emotional patterns in your relationships. Use your downtime between relationships wisely, and keep discovering who you are as a person and a partner in life and love.

You’ve probably heard of anorexia, but what about orthorexia? Orthorexia is the obsession with eating healthfully and correctly, taken to an extreme. Orthorexics may pride themselves on eating only organic or only vegetarian, or on their ability to stick to other obscure diets. They often have trouble going out to eat or even having a meal at a friend’s house because their food habits are more than just health-conscious; they’re an obsession.

Orthorexia is different from anorexia and bulimia, since the focus is not on the quantity of food, but rather the quality of the food. In fact, a person with orthorexia may eat regular meals and take in a perfectly normal amount of calories. However, it joins these other, more well-known disorders in the fact that food becomes the absolute center of a person’s life.

Though studies have shown in the past that 86 percent of eating disorders are developed by the age of 20, orthorexia is an important exception. As women get older, especially around the time they hit menopause, they may be especially likely to become obsessed with eating “right” to improve their health and stave off aging.

It’s important to give yourself a reality check every so often when it comes to eating healthfully. A well-balanced diet is essential for everyone, and striving to eat well is an excellent way to keep your body at its peak at any age. But remember that even healthy eating can go to an unhealthy extreme — keep it healthy, but remember that there’s more to life than what goes on your plate.

When taking a bath, a waterproof pillow can provide a world of comfort. Put it behind your head if he’s on top, or use it to cushion him when you’re on top. You might even try it for some gentle clitoral stimulation — use your imagination!

If you opt for a shower, start by washing each other from head to toe. Lather up a washcloth or sponge and get all your parts squeaky clean. Washing each other’s hair can be highly erotic, too. Gently scrub his scalp with your fingertips for an excellent massage, then let him show your locks a little love and attention. A shower stool can make having sex easier, but there are plenty of positions to try standing up.

Light a few candles and you’ve got yourself a very steamy situati on!

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An orgasm happens when you are fully present in the moment, when your mind is focused on the details of what’s happening right now. You’re not running through a mental list of to-dos, you’re not wondering how you look, and you’re not concerned about what your partner is thinking. You’re focused solely on the experience, the physical sensations, and your connection to your partner. If you let go of the rest, it’s far more likely you’ll get what you want.

The next time you’re in search of an orgasm, try to block out everything except the here and now. Your mind should be solely on:

• Your partner’s touch.
• How your partner smells.
• The energy between the two of you.
• The physical sensations in your genitals — visualize the flow of energy and heat as you connect with your partner and imagine that warmth surging through the rest of your body.
• Experimenting with new ways of touching each other.

The bottom line is: Enjoy the moment!

Lubricant makes an enjoyable in-the-moment surprise, too. It’s great for enhancing foreplay as well as sex. Rather than waiting until you need it, try applying some lubricant to your partner manually right in the beginning — your partner will enjoy the sensuality of this approach, and it makes for a more seamless sexual experience rather than waiting until it’s time for penetration to stop and put it on. You also can apply some on yourself during foreplay. Let your partner watch you as you self-stimulate, even if it’s just for a few moments. Then you’ll both be revved up and ready to go.

An erotic massage is another great way to start using lubricant. Pick one that doubles as a slick moisturizer. Sometimes the feeling of slippery skin can make sex more sensual and exciting.

Whatever method you choose, don’t be afraid to experiment. Trying new things is what keeps your sex life fresh and fun — why not break out of the routine starting tonight?

You get all the benefits of the dark and all the novelty of a flashlight. He can beam the flashlight on you while you give him a little show. Or, take matters into your hands and use the light creatively. Shine it on your face or a particular body part you know he loves. In fact, a flashlight is a great way to get to know each other’s bodies inch by inch. You can get as up close and personal as you want.

A flashlight can make sex sexier, too. Position it so it’s shining on you while you have sex. The light will be unusual. Watch yourselves in a mirror while you do it. Or play doctor, in which you must inspect each other to make sure you’re healthy!

The elders of the birth order world — oldest and only children — are the go-getter perfectionists of the world. They tend to be loyal and reliable, but they may take things a little too seriously. They’re in charge either as a nurturer or the person who calls the shots in their relationships. As a result, two firstborns or only children generally do not go well together, since friction results as both members jockey for control.

For oldest and only children, a youngest-born may be the best fit. People who grow up as the baby of the family usually enjoy being taken care of and aren’t, in general, as focused on responsibility. They know how to have a little fun and lighten up their overly serious and sometimes critical elders. On the other hand, two youngest together may be waiting for someone to take the lead.

Middle children are harder to define. They vary widely, but tend to be adaptable and social. They work great with youngest children, who allow them to open up and be themselves. Many middle children felt caught in the middle growing up, which can make them more guarded about their feelings. However, depending on a middle child’s personality, just about any birth-order combination is possible. At long last, a perk for middle children!

What does this mean for your love life? Birth order is only one factor, but it could be an important one when searching for the right relationship. It’s another piece of the puzzle when trying to understand why some work and others don’t.

First, understand that a man’s sex drive is hormonal, powered by his testosterone levels. Men simply think about sex more often than women do, and most men derive a sense of closeness to their partner through sex. But the number-one aphrodisiac for a woman is the sense of emotional intimacy she shares with her partner. And men are most likely to provide this emotional intimacy when they’re getting the sex they crave. So it’s a conundrum: She doesn’t want to have sex unless she feels close to him, and he doesn’t give her that sense of closeness unless he’s getting sex from her.

So, if you’re starting to feel disconnected, the answer just might be: sex! Connection accomplished, for both of you.

Interestingly, a recent poll found that when asked if they’d like their partner to initiate sex less often, 82 percent of women said no! So I guess all the asking isn’t such a bad thing after all. Why not return the compliment by indulging him more often?

There are a range of alternate activities that can be the essence of compromise when he wants sex and you don’t. Rather than the usual excuses (you’re too tired or have your period), get a little creative. Just acting sexy as he self-stimulates can work. Or stroke his chest, snuggle up next to him, and run your hands through his hair. If there is a favorite bra or nightgown of yours he likes, throw it on, too.

There are also many manual and oral techniques you can put to use. In fact, taking intercourse out of the equation can refresh your sexual repertoire completely. You may find yourself doing things you haven’t done in years — and feeling young all over again!