Patterns you picked up from your parents….

August 6, 2009 toylady
Tags: advice column, dating, divorce, family, love, marriage, marriage counseling, parents, pre-marital counseling, relationships, romance, singles

We’ve all heard that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree — and that adage is certainly true when it comes to love. The blueprint for our romantic tendencies is actually laid out in our early years. Our relationship with our parents — and their relationship with each other — provides the foundation upon which we build our ideas about love.

It can be a great learning exercise to write down what your relationships have been like, past and present. For instance, what role do you seem to play in each of your romances? Are you the rescuer or the dependent one? Are you and your ex-partners very similar? Next, think about what your parents’ relationship was like, as well as your relationship with each of them. Write down specific behaviors and memories in each case, and try to notice the recurring themes.

One of the perks of being single is the chance to really confront these patterns. You have the luxury of stepping back, without the distraction of a partner, to extract and examine the emotional patterns in your relationships. Use your downtime between relationships wisely, and keep discovering who you are as a person and a partner in life and love.

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